Knights, Aliens and Rum

What are you rebelling against?

I always hoped that when Marlon Brando replied what you got? the country girl with a heart of gold would have replied with something innocuous like Bananas. Would the rebel without a cause still have wrought the same level of havoc in the small town knowing that the target was a fleshy yellow piece of fruit? Or simply just pop down the road to the nearest fruit seller and kick off leaving nothing but a trail of mashed peel and the smell of petrol in the air.

So come one come all and feast your eyes upon "The Ripe One", the almost true story of a man's rage against an oppressive but pleasant smelling regime.

That's just an example of anything that would be more interesting than what is gracing our cinema screens at this very moment. Now I'm well aware that independent cinemas exist as do independent filmmakers who are supplying the material, but when was the last time you saw the latest European thoughtful effort splattered across the side of a bus? And would you care if it was there? Point being that unless you have your head inside a specially manufactured tortoise-esque shell you cannot escape the magical big film machine, which has meant you have no doubt had to suffer the hideous features of the four vacuous icons of modernity that are Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha. Not that I hate the film particularly (although I imagine I would) but its an prime example of a tradition of dire film making going right back to those classic days of the big Hollywood production. You'd think that 80 or so years on maybe a few changes would have been made.

So lets have a quick run down of this weeks releases shall we?
The reasonable response to that being no, as it would involve tedious lists and you'd learn nothing except that you'd probably be better not venturing near a cinema any time soon. And to anyone who considers Indiana Jones an exception to this rule then I disregard your opinion, as I assume you are just a fan of the originals and this is film is the visual equivalent of having an old friend pop round. Sure you remember all the good times but come on, its not really the same is it? and you always get a sneaky little feeling that if you met them now you probably wouldn't be as good friends with them. Think about it and try and find me one single review which doesn't compare it unfavourably to the old films.

But despair not film fanatics as hope is on the horizon in the form of three films:

The Dark knight- Not just simply a boyish joy at another return from the ultimate costumed badass, but something that looks so slick, sadistic and over the top that is has the possibility to explode your eyes.

The X-Files Movie 2- This one actually is fan geekery, but as everything is so secret about the plot of this film all I know is that it's like the first one...and then some.

The Rum Diaries- I'm recomending this one purely because of the book, if they mong this one up I will not be the happiest of chaps.


So Cinephiles we end on a positive, while now that local multiplex might seem like a trawl through warm garbage, a salty ray of sunlight awaits you at the top of this pile.

Wait and then rejoice.

Heresy and Chopsticks,

Chris